It might sound strange, a 22-year-old girl from the northeast of England, paying tribute to someone from a completely different generation.
However, there is a very good reason for this.
I finally finished Cash’s autobiography earlier this week, after struggling through for the past five months.
It wasn’t a struggle because it was badly written or uninteresting, but rather because my brain wouldn’t work.
Halfway through, I just couldn’t read anymore. Not just that, but anything.
Not any other books, stories, newspapers or magazines.
I fell out of love with reading, you could say, and this was an incredibly disastrous occurrence.
I love nothing more than delving into a good book and getting lost for a few hours. So, to be unable to do that was really difficult.
I knew why I couldn’t read anymore, but I didn’t understand it. It was as though a part of myself had died.
My love of literature had died and I was devastated.
Anyway, I’m veering from the point of my blog now, which is paying tribute to Johnny Cash of course.
As I said, I’ve finally finished his autobiography and what a read it was!
I found a strange affinity with a lot of parts of his story.
Just to set things straight though, I’ve never been addicted to drugs in the way he was, I’m not as musically talented as he was and nor did I grow up in the southern states of the USA 50 years ago!
However, when it comes to what Cash writes about grief, then I can identify.
Having experienced grief a few times in my life, I found the following passage so poignant to how I felt, and still feel at times:
"Losing Jack was terrible. It was awful at the time and it's still a big, cold sad place in my heart and soul. There's no way around grief and loss: you can dodge it all you want, but sooner or later you just have to go into it, through it, and, hopefully, come out the other side. The world you find there will never be the same as the world you left."
I’ve always felt alone in my grief. My pain. My heartache.
But the above passage just reminded that everyone feels exactly the same when dreadful things happen.
Yes; different people react in different ways. There is no set course for how grief will affect you. How it will utterly change your life and your outlook on life.
One thing I have learnt, from what Cash wrote and from my own experiences, is that you do come out the other side – even though for so long it was virtually impossible to see that other side, it is there.
And when you climb through, even though the world is a completely different place - emptier too in some respects – the incredible amount of strength and wisdom you gain will never leave you.
Just to finish off, some lyrics from the man himself (although it is a cover)…
If you could read my mind, love,
What a tale my thoughts could tell.
Just like an old time movie,
'Bout a ghost from a wishing well.
In a castle dark or a fortress strong,
With chains upon my feet.
You know that ghost is me.
And I will never be set free
As long as I'm a ghost that you can't see.
If I could read your mind, love,
What a tale your thoughts could tell.
Just like a paperback novel,
The kind the drugstores sell.
When you reached the part where the heartaches come,
The hero would be me.
But heroes often fail,
And you won't read that book again
Because the ending's just too hard to take!
I'd walk away like a movie star
Who gets burned in a three way script.
Enter number two:
A movie queen to play the scene
Of bringing all the good things out in me.
But for now, love, let's be real;
I never thought I could act this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it.
I don't know where we went wrong,
But the feeling's gone
And I just can't get it back.
If you could read my mind, love,
What a tale my thoughts could tell.
Just like an old time movie,
'Bout a ghost from a wishing well.
In a castle dark or a fortress strong.
With chains upon my feet.
But stories always end,
And if you read between the lines,
You'll know that I'm just tryin' to understand
The feelin's that you lack.
I never thought I could feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it.
I don't know where we went wrong,
But the feelin's gone
And I just can't get it back.
Johnny Cash, 1932-2003.
